Its funny how life gives a plan completely different from the one you had. This past week has been really hard. For awhile things have been wrong and I guess I hit my breaking point. On Wednesday I started having seizures. I was in the hospital for just a few days but every moment was filled with pain and fear. Hospitals have never been my happy place but they sure do a lot for a lot of people. Ah I wish I could only complain sometimes. I wish I could tell everyone how hard it is to never get better and only get worse. But...I have so many things to be grateful for. This week I have had an opportunity I have never had before. I was conscious through everything and even though I had no ability to control my body I remember everything that happened. I would pass out a lot and usually would stop breathing. I could hear but I couldn't speak. And every time these hard things would happen I would get to listen to everyone around me. They would hold my hand and speak to me and I could always hear the worry in their voice. I have never ever felt so loved. I think it is a rare thing to be able to see someones love when they think you aren't watching. The other night Zach told me that when I come out of the seizures I usually smile. I thinks its because I am just really glad to have wonderful people in my life.
Thank you to everyone for your visits and calls and texts. Thank you to my teachers for being kind and understanding. Thank you to my students for being kind and flexible. Thank you to my doctors who are kind and caring and have found ways to help.Thank you to my mom who has been with me through all of this and has supported me and loved my imperfect body. Thank you to Madi and Zach. You guys have been with me every day helping me and keeping me happy and letting me cry with you. You both are stars! ha ha I am beyond blessed to have such good friends! And that includes of all you people:)
I am glad to say that things are improving. My seizures are getting less and less. I am relearning how to walk, which has been filled with many many falls but I am pretty much there. I decided that no matter what happens I am going to keep trying. I am not going to quit. I sometimes want to but I just have way to much to live for. I have way to many to many people to fight for. And I am so so lucky to have people to fight for!
