There is something on my mind today that I can't help but address. I was just at work and I had a conversation with some coworkers that got me thinking about the way we treat other people. I often get flack for being sick, not directly but people often (and accidently) find a way to be degrading in conversation. I hate when people get mad at me for taking care of myself. I have to pay close attention to my body in order to be able to keep living my life. I often get portrayed as a lazy person who is not reliable. This hurts my feelings so bad, mostly because these are all thoughts I think about myself on the daily. I find myself thinking I am lazy, and unreliable and a liability, a problem and a burden. It makes it even harder when people confirm my worst thoughts. Why is it that we do this? Why is that humans love to kick each other while they're down? More importantly, why do we kick ourselves when we're down?
Chances are, you know exactly what I am talking about. Also FYI I am sooo guilty of doing this to others and to myself.(Reality TV is my go to for making fun of people). I think we love to pat ourselves on the back when we see we are doing better than someone else. How horrible is that? Why do we even feel qualified to understand what someone is going through. It is so easy to assume that we know what someone is going through and then decide that we could do a better job. The important thing to note is that in reality we don't. We can't assume we know as much as God does.
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we often talk about lifting others. It is a very common theme that is important and wonderful. We speak about helping others when they are down and lifting them up to where we are. Today I am thinking that I've had it wrong. My first thought is, why do I assume that I am above them? And second, how can I lift them if I am not really above them?
So then I began to think about where I am in relation to others. Where am I standing when they are down and where should I be?
Right Beside Them.
So why do we so often talk about lifting others? What should be our goal in helping? Maybe it is not our job to lift others,
maybe it is our job to
kneel next to them and let God lift us both.
I think this world needs more sympathy, more understanding, more outright love. We need to judge less and assume less. We need to stop guessing what people are going through and instead ask them how we can help. If we can't fix it then we can for sure stay awhile and go through it with them.
This is the biggest lesson I have learned in being sick. I so appreciate those people who make me feel strong and confident. Who make sure I know that I am smart, capable and not defeated. I am forever grateful for the people who sit next to me when I am down.
Next thing that I want to talk about is how we treat ourselves. This is something I am relatively private about not because people judge me but because I sometimes feel vulnerable talking about it. I have had pretty bad anxiety and depression in the past. I am especially sensitive to any new medications so every couple months I have bad episodes when I start new meds. I am a perfectionist and a bit OCD so when I do anything wrong or make a mistake my first instinct is to punish myself. On some meds I have gotten extremely suicidal and I will beat myself up. That being said I am very lucky. These sympotoms are at their worst because of medicine. I always have the option of switching medications or the side effects fade. Some people do not have the option of getting rid of their depression or anxiety. I know people who have struggled with depression for years and my heart aches for them. They are truly unsung heroes that I admire greatly.
The habit of punishing yourself because you are human is one we need to stop doing. I am 1000% positive that the punishment we give ourselves is not what God wants for us. We are His precious children. He loves us and His love isn't determind by what we do. I know what it's like to feel like you have made too many mistakes. I know what it is like to feel unworthy of God or of forgiveness. I know that sometimes we believe that since we can't climb the mountain we shoudn't try to take just one step. But when I reach out to Him I get the assurance that He wants me there and that He doesn't care if I am perfect. He takes me as I am with the intention of lifting me up. I just want to put it out there that He wants you, as you are. Tattered or torn doesn't matter. He loves you still and always will.
We need to treat ourselves and others as God would treat us. We need to be forgiving. We need to move on. We need to stop keeping score and start playing for the same team. This race is not against each other. We need to stand beside one another and help push each other up the hill and when we fail we need to trust that God will help do the lifting.
