Stitch Fix Fix

Have any of you tried stitch fix? Cause literally it's amazing! I was excited to try it because who doesn't want a box of personalized clothing sent to you every month. I signed up kind of on a whim in the middle of the night. I can't always sleep so sometimes I am impulsive at night...example, I ate a box of crackers at one in the morning. Usually I regret things I try in the middle of the night but this time I am so glad I signed up.

When you go on you fill out a survey on style and fit that you prefer. They show you pictures of clothes and you tell them your opinion. It's pretty cool because it is so personalized. Once you sign up you just have to wait for your shipment. It's nice because you can specify price range and how often you want shipments.

They send you 5 items every time. I got 2 shirts, a pair of pants, a vest and a pair of shoes. Whatever you want you keep and whatever you don't want you send back. I figure that if I buy around 2 items of clothing/ect. every couple of months then this is the perfect way to do it. I don't have to shop but I can specify what I want. Plus the surprise factor is very enticing. You tell them what you like and they send you a box of stuff you will most likely love.
Try it, I promise you will love it! Plus if you don't want to spend much just order less. You only pay for what you decide to keep. If you don't want to buy too much then specify more time between shipments and a lower price range. Seriously try it. I promise you will thank me!

Check out the link!
https://www.stitchfix.com

Clinic Visit

Last week I had my clinic visit with Dr. Bateman. I love the clinic! It took me about two years to get in and months of Dr. Bateman reading my files before they figured out my diagnoses. I am very grateful to them.

They are located at Salt Lake Regional Hospital. They used to be on the west side but now the have moved their clinic. Inside the clinic they also have a research department where sometimes I get tested. They always need regular people to test so if you want to make $50 for a blood draw then head on over. 

When I go in I talk to the receptionist Debbie. She is really nice. Basically everyone there knows me by name, which is awesome. Everyone is kind and understands better than most people how tough my life can be. Debbie checks me in and usually I sit in their "special chair" and read magazines. I know it's stupid but I love People magazine. 

      

I get taken back pretty quick by one of the nurses. I used to always see Kim(the awesome nurse) but now I have a new nurse who is also awesome. The nurses at the clinic are the best! They are so sympathetic. I don't get that everywhere I go. Sometimes since my disease and symptoms are abnormal I don't always get understanding from the nurses. Trisha has been my nurse as of late and she is wonderful. She is usually the person I call if I am having any problems. She is also the person that calls to check up on me and make sure I am no dead. Once she takes me back she takes my blood pressure and goes through my medications, ect. 

 Trisha brings me to Dr. B as soon as she is ready for me. Before I go to clinic I fill out an intake form. I rate my pain, sleep, headaches,ect. I also tell them things I want to discuss with Dr. B. Usually my appointment is about an hour. We go through all the things I wan't to discuss. It usually involves things I need to do with other doctors. She always shows me research and things I need to study. She types everything up so I can remember what we talked about and what I need to do. I often have to go get testing done afterward. She always checks up on any medications I need. She even prescribes me IV fluids for when I am really sick. 

The clinic helps me manage my disease. They help me know what medications I need and how to keep my body running. For example: every time I stand up my body fails to account for gravity and my blood pressure drops. In the past it caused me to pass out and have seizures to try to get the blood back up to my head. The clinic has helped me find ways to keep my blood pressure up. I take medication but I also wear tight compression clothes to help keep the blood flow going up. When things are really bad I go get IV's to help and also drink like a gallon of Gatorade everyday. 

Without the clinic nothing would be managed. My life would be a lot harder. Another great thing about the clinic is information. I get educated on my disease and so does my family. My sister had a hard time understanding what was going on with me but then she came to the clinic and now is a regular visitor. She even got blood drawn to help with the research. The clinic is trying to spread awareness about these types of disorders. They help my doctors understand what is happening. 

Basically I love them and feel so indebted to them. All of the people working there are doing it to help people. Trust me, I am sure they could make a lot more money doing something else but they are determined to help. They do help! They make a huge difference in my life and many others.

One thing you can't miss when you go is all the turtles. When I first went they explained their mascot to my mom and me. The turtle stands for "slow and steady wins the race". My life my not be normal but if I do take it one step at a time then I can make it. If I can learn to just walk and take my time then I can finish the race. I love this motto. Most people try to convince me to push it, to not let my disease win and to try and live a normal life. It can't work this way. I have to take time to work with my body, to rest, to figure out how to best operate. I may not be running any marathons but if I do this I can survive and thrive. 

How Am I Gonna Be An Optimist About This?

This week has lead to a lot of contemplation. I had my clinic appointment which I will be posting about. I just feel the need to share my thoughts about something else today. I have recently been listening to a playlist on amazon that I made called "happy". They are mostly just songs that lift me up and give me some pep and energy for the day. One of the songs I have is "Pompeii" by Bastille. I love it! They actually wrote it for the movie "Pompeii" but it didn't end up being in it. If you have seen the movie you probably didn't love it. It is mediocre but I love the message. Basically it is the story of a guy and a girl that fall in love while the volcano is erupting. The movie ends with them kissing while being engulfed in lava. The song definitely made me really think about my life and every time I hear it I can help but question myself. Here are some of the lyrics...

I love this! How often is it that we focus on the disaster. I mean if a volcano erupted near me I think it would be all I could look at, but these guys end their life embracing and loving. We need to close our eyes. We need to focus on what is important. We need to realize that there are things that never changed. That we have done this before and have conquered it. 

I have spent the week throwing up my guts every night. I got a really bad cold that has basically has caused a lot of problems with my throat. I am pretty miserable. This is usually how things go for me. Probably how things go for you. So how am I gonna to be an optimist about this? 

What if we did close our eyes? What if we forgot about the hard for a minute and look to see what is left. If close my eyes I can see so many things that haven't changed. I have a family that loves and supports me. I have a husband that is kind and that is a partner in every sense of the word. I have friends and neighbors and cousins. I HAVE SO MUCH. So much that is over looked because I am to busy noticing that my walls are falling down. 

So how do we be an optimist? It's not like it will change the fact that things are hard, that we will die, that our life is changing? Being an optimist isn't about pretending nothing is wrong or having things automatically get better. It is about seeing what is left when we take away the hard stuff. About seeing that we have so much besides the ruins of our life. And that so much comes from the ruins.

Close your eyes. See all the things that never change, even when things are hard. You will always be loved and love others. The good you've done, the changes you brought to the world will never be taken away. NEVER EVER FORGET THAT! Choose to see the good. Choose to believe in a better day tomorrow. Not because hard things change but because you have changed. Because you believe in hope. Be that person that loves even when things are hard. And live your moments like they are your last and most precious. Be an optimist, choose to smile in the pain. 

Ode to Nathan

Dear Readers,

I need you to know something...MY HUSBAND IS LITERALLY THE GREATEST! I know your spouse is probably wonderful but mine is the best.

I thought for Valentines day I would write our love story. I don't think anyone knows the full version of how lucky I am to have found him.

We really met in high school but had classes together all through middle school. I didn't know anything about him until we ended up in same choir our senior year. We were friends mostly because he had a crush on my friend and I would always talk to them about each other. I had a couple boys I liked at the time including him. I didn't think he was an option considering I was his go to wing women. I started dating a guy in the middle of senior year. Before we were "official" he went out of town and I hung out with Nate. We built a snowman in my yard and had a snowball fight. It was pretty magical and he wanted to kiss me but didn't. Ha ha this story would be very different if he had. 

   

I kept dating the other guy and life went on. My boyfriend went on his mission and I waited for him. meanwhile Nathan went on a mission to Russia. My missionary got home and things didn't work out. It was a really rough time as I was in the middle of so many health problems. I noticed Nathan from time to time on facebook and thought he was cute. I wanted to go to his homecoming but I was sick...ha ha he still holds that over me. About a month later I was sitting in singles ward and noticed he was there. Lo and behold he came up to me after the meeting to say hi and catch up. He got my number so we could hang out and talk.

I was actually super surprised when he called like three days later to come over. Ha ha I was wearing my pajamas and I still had braces (something I was a little embarrassed about but what are you going to do?). He came and we talked for hours. He told me all about his mission and I told him all about the things I had been through with my illness. 

We became pretty fast friends. I invited him to lots of stuff and we occasionally would go on those awkward friend dates. Ha ha Nathan has never been that assertive. I started to like him and I felt like he liked me. One night I was so sick of the not knowing that I just strait up told him "Hey I like you, if you like me then cool but if not it's no big deal, I just thought you should know." He told me that he liked me too but he was still deciding. Yep my dear sweet husband actually said that. But for some reason I wasn't worried. I just felt peace about it. 

We went a week without talking until he texted me while I was boating. We started spending more and more time together and I knew so quickly that he was the one. Ha ha I told him I loved him and he said he thought he loved me. Every step of the way he was nervous but I felt so sure.

We started to have really real conversations. He told me about things he struggled with and I told him about the effects of my illness. One night after we had been dating about a month I felt that I needed to warn him. I told him that my illness was a lot of work and heartbreak and tough times. I said if he wanted an out I wouldn't be mad. I told him if I was too much of a burden that he could go. He looked and me and just said something along the lines of "I'm good."

Right before we got engaged I had a tachycardia attack and was rushed to the E.R. He met us there after I texted him. My heart was going so fast and they had me hooked up to every cord and tube. Poor Nathan had never seen anything like it. They decided to chemically stop my heart so it would reset. They did it twice and it was pretty intense. Nathan was standing in the corner and the poor guy passed out. Thank heavens my brother was there to help him out. But he stood back up and stayed till the end. 

That's Nathan right there. Every step of the way he was loyal and stalwart. In the time we dated we found out about a problem in my brain and the possibility of having to have brain surgery. We also went through many nights at home having seizures or vomiting. Nathan would often have to carry me to the bathroom. We missed many date nights and I had to break the news of every thing that wouldn't be a part of our future. Nathan didn't care if marrying me took options out of his future. He always said we would make it work and if we didn't we could still be happy.

Our relationship is strong because we are acutely aware that neither of us is perfect. We both have downfalls and baggage. I was so very scared to give Nathan my baggage. In fact I bawled the day of our wedding because I didn't know how I could ever share my pain with him. I loved him so much. I thought about all the times that Nathan felt unlovable. That he didn't deserve me. And the Lord pushed me forward and made me love him even more. Made me love that we could carry each other to the end and when we fall we can lay and hold each other awhile.

Nathan has the most pure love. It is immovable and constant. I never feel bad about the baggage I bring to the table. Love is supposed to be understanding and kind. It shouldn't be swayed at times of trial and grief. Love should be happy and sad and "I'll sit with you awhile"

To my sweetheart Nathan:

I love you. I wish there was a stronger word to use. I love that you cry with me and laugh with me and are always putting on a show for me. I love that you are so weird. I am so beyond grateful for your willingness to keep our family safe and under a roof. I am grateful that I get to see your face after surgery. That when the pain gets bad I have you to distract me. I love that you love me so much. I am so grateful that I am precious to you because you are so so precious to me. Thank you for never stopping. For not getting discouraged. For loving who I am and not caring about anything else. You make me feel like I have the best life of all. I am forever indebted to my Father in Heaven because I have you. I love you so much! Happy Valentines Day!

Valentine's Day Favorites

I usually don't love Valentine's day...It seems like a holiday that discriminates against single people. This year I am married and we aren't planning much but I am excited to have a special day with my hubby. Whether you are single or in a relationship you deserve a treat. These clothes are super cute. I love wearing pink on Valentine's so get ready to see lots of it.
I love things that are flowey and feminine. Plus who doesn't love feeling like Audrey Hepburn with a cute hair do and classy clothes. P.s. check out the shoes and socks...LOVE!

Bugle Joy Skirt in Pink Blossoms

Shopping for shoes is my favorite. Especially online because they usually are exactly what I am expecting. This pair of pink shoes are adorable...Seriously who wouldn't wear these? They're Oxfords and adorable. 

Inspiring Excursion Oxford Flat in Blush

My favorite thing about Modcloth is there little nick knacks. Seriously they are so unique. When you go to the website make sure to check out the Valentine's day gifts.  I love giving cute little cards as a way to say I love you. These are some of my favorites...p.s. they are under $10.

           

You+Me=Love

       

                                                       

             Love and Crust Valentine Set

This is a fill in the blank book. They are so cute and fun. Then you can have a handwritten record of the both of you together. I also love the pizza box. Don't forget to read the slices...they are pretty funny. I hope you check these out. They are definitely worth your time. Please have a happy Valentine's day. Buy yourself something nice, get your nails done, let your hair down. Valentine's isn't just about loving others it's also about loving yourself!