Ode to Nathan

Dear Readers,

I need you to know something...MY HUSBAND IS LITERALLY THE GREATEST! I know your spouse is probably wonderful but mine is the best.

I thought for Valentines day I would write our love story. I don't think anyone knows the full version of how lucky I am to have found him.

We really met in high school but had classes together all through middle school. I didn't know anything about him until we ended up in same choir our senior year. We were friends mostly because he had a crush on my friend and I would always talk to them about each other. I had a couple boys I liked at the time including him. I didn't think he was an option considering I was his go to wing women. I started dating a guy in the middle of senior year. Before we were "official" he went out of town and I hung out with Nate. We built a snowman in my yard and had a snowball fight. It was pretty magical and he wanted to kiss me but didn't. Ha ha this story would be very different if he had. 

   

I kept dating the other guy and life went on. My boyfriend went on his mission and I waited for him. meanwhile Nathan went on a mission to Russia. My missionary got home and things didn't work out. It was a really rough time as I was in the middle of so many health problems. I noticed Nathan from time to time on facebook and thought he was cute. I wanted to go to his homecoming but I was sick...ha ha he still holds that over me. About a month later I was sitting in singles ward and noticed he was there. Lo and behold he came up to me after the meeting to say hi and catch up. He got my number so we could hang out and talk.

I was actually super surprised when he called like three days later to come over. Ha ha I was wearing my pajamas and I still had braces (something I was a little embarrassed about but what are you going to do?). He came and we talked for hours. He told me all about his mission and I told him all about the things I had been through with my illness. 

We became pretty fast friends. I invited him to lots of stuff and we occasionally would go on those awkward friend dates. Ha ha Nathan has never been that assertive. I started to like him and I felt like he liked me. One night I was so sick of the not knowing that I just strait up told him "Hey I like you, if you like me then cool but if not it's no big deal, I just thought you should know." He told me that he liked me too but he was still deciding. Yep my dear sweet husband actually said that. But for some reason I wasn't worried. I just felt peace about it. 

We went a week without talking until he texted me while I was boating. We started spending more and more time together and I knew so quickly that he was the one. Ha ha I told him I loved him and he said he thought he loved me. Every step of the way he was nervous but I felt so sure.

We started to have really real conversations. He told me about things he struggled with and I told him about the effects of my illness. One night after we had been dating about a month I felt that I needed to warn him. I told him that my illness was a lot of work and heartbreak and tough times. I said if he wanted an out I wouldn't be mad. I told him if I was too much of a burden that he could go. He looked and me and just said something along the lines of "I'm good."

Right before we got engaged I had a tachycardia attack and was rushed to the E.R. He met us there after I texted him. My heart was going so fast and they had me hooked up to every cord and tube. Poor Nathan had never seen anything like it. They decided to chemically stop my heart so it would reset. They did it twice and it was pretty intense. Nathan was standing in the corner and the poor guy passed out. Thank heavens my brother was there to help him out. But he stood back up and stayed till the end. 

That's Nathan right there. Every step of the way he was loyal and stalwart. In the time we dated we found out about a problem in my brain and the possibility of having to have brain surgery. We also went through many nights at home having seizures or vomiting. Nathan would often have to carry me to the bathroom. We missed many date nights and I had to break the news of every thing that wouldn't be a part of our future. Nathan didn't care if marrying me took options out of his future. He always said we would make it work and if we didn't we could still be happy.

Our relationship is strong because we are acutely aware that neither of us is perfect. We both have downfalls and baggage. I was so very scared to give Nathan my baggage. In fact I bawled the day of our wedding because I didn't know how I could ever share my pain with him. I loved him so much. I thought about all the times that Nathan felt unlovable. That he didn't deserve me. And the Lord pushed me forward and made me love him even more. Made me love that we could carry each other to the end and when we fall we can lay and hold each other awhile.

Nathan has the most pure love. It is immovable and constant. I never feel bad about the baggage I bring to the table. Love is supposed to be understanding and kind. It shouldn't be swayed at times of trial and grief. Love should be happy and sad and "I'll sit with you awhile"

To my sweetheart Nathan:

I love you. I wish there was a stronger word to use. I love that you cry with me and laugh with me and are always putting on a show for me. I love that you are so weird. I am so beyond grateful for your willingness to keep our family safe and under a roof. I am grateful that I get to see your face after surgery. That when the pain gets bad I have you to distract me. I love that you love me so much. I am so grateful that I am precious to you because you are so so precious to me. Thank you for never stopping. For not getting discouraged. For loving who I am and not caring about anything else. You make me feel like I have the best life of all. I am forever indebted to my Father in Heaven because I have you. I love you so much! Happy Valentines Day!